Updated: Oct 7, 2018
Yesterday I cooked a turkey dinner for my mom and dad and my family . My dads first chemo is today so I thought a nice get together and reminder to him and to me and us about LOVE is what this was going to be about .
Leading up to this dinner was the most blissful heart centred preparation in such joy and remembering every dinner we had ever shared as a family . Each dish mindfully made and cleared and such heart felt intention within it .
Dinner was great , as it wrapped up , my adult kids left to their respectful homes and Ryan went to the river as he always does ... it’s “ his place “ . Steve went off to work night shift and my parents went home for the evening .
I was alone and it felt good
After I had cleaned up and put away the leftovers , I remember going to sit down and as I sat , my dad had just sent me a message about the dinner he had had , how he was feeling about treatment and the pain he feels in his leg , we spoke about my mom , the good food she cooks for him and his system , we talked about his dog and his favourite part of the turkey and more and more , when the conversation ended , I just sat there , and sat and closed my eyes and I breathed very very deeply , knowing that something big was shifting , a re programming I knew it was big because I kept breathing deeper and deeper always internal being aware of every cell in my body and how it was moving, I felt this overwhelming sensation of my chest opening , like my shoulder blades actually parting the most incredible feeling of light take over , it’s like I had left my upper body but truly stayed connected in my root and solid in the known that whatever was taking over that I was completely safe and held .
What came next was nothing short of what Niagara Falls looks like ... but FUCK it felt sooo good , I haven’t cried like that in years , that pure release , that guttural cry of a baby being born into the world from such a“ where the fuck is this place cry “
As the crying came of course I was in non judgement as it felt so good and I knew it had been coming since April 6th . This was the amp up , this is the beginning and I know it is the beginning and after 45 years in this planet I’m ok with that .... because it’s moving , on one of the deepest levels I have ever felt , the space I have created in my body over the last 6 plus years and especially the last week with truly listening to my body and it’s need to go inward ... it’s making the space in the deepest part of my body , it’s releasing my mind and it’s wrapping my soul in so much love and clarity for what is to come .
The process of unravelling is always in perfect timing and it shows me so much each and every time , all it wants is space , this process last night in my chair lasted about 45 minutes until I landed smack dab back into form .....
Now this process of form looked and felt a whole lot different .
I landed hard , coming back into my body I could barely focus my eyes , I started to sweat profusely and could feel my heart literally flip flop inside my chest walls and those walls felt like “ DEATH “ like my own personal death ... all along I actually knew I wasn’t going to die , I could feel my right side tingling .... funny how powerful little I can be when reprogramming begins ... little does it know it won’t be left behind but merge like a date with consciousness and form .
I off course logically grabbed my blood pressure cuff being the “ good student “ and it was off the charts , I threw it thinking what a piece of junk it’s too tight , wrong reading , I hate doctors and decided I’m going to bed .
Well I didn’t get a chance to go to bed because I knew this was landing right back in to my body and landing hard -of what “ would actually happen “ if I chose not to dance in both worlds ....
I love energy and I love the flow ... I love experiential practise and I also love embodiment , I love to feel the ethereal and spiritual release and expansion and everything in between , I also choose to take care and nurture my energies in so many different ways Yoga , meditation , walking , mantra , writing , breathwork , free flow dance , mindfulness, eating better ... eating in general and so much more ....
But last night my body drove itself to the hospital , I was home alone and had just experienced a deeper reprogramming than I knew of at the time , and my body was screaming “ get checked your having a heart attack your having a stroke “
All of this I knew was not happening but I also knew I have a husband and 4 kids , a mom a dad and a sister and a whole soul tribe that I want to hang with for a long time ....
So I went in ..... hadn’t been to a hospital to check in for years but I did , I found myself breathing deeply and staying internal trying to feel grounded before I went in .... there I met the most amazing woman who would take my vitals , and simply have a soul filled conversation with me about the full experience I had in my chaos over an hour earlier .... this woman , she actually looked like an angel to tell you the truth , re assured me my blood pressure was perfect and not to worry , my oxygen level ...perfect , we spoke of grief and lungs and how I feel and what I feel and what the experience was and she agreed with everything I said ... also that I wasn’t having a stroke or a heart attack ( which I knew ) but it was confirmation that the medical system does recognize grief and sorrow and release and expansion and how it effects the physical body and can trigger symptomatic issues to make us believe we are dying .... most of the time we are not .
Last nights reprogramming was huge .... it was about TRUST ... in all things ... ALL THINGS... not just when it’s convenient or fluffy or flowy ... it took me back to when I had trusted and been off track when I was young , when I trusted my body and it didn’t lead me well , when I trusted others and it didn’t lead me well , all of these Simply lessons and I have learned so deeply with each of them and found gratitude in my body leading me astray at times ... but that hasn’t fit in years like over 10 years , it’s simply old programming getting a clean slate with a sharp edged sword that says “ TRUST YOUR BODY , MIND & SOUL “
This reprogramming brought to surface a lot of things that are done ... like really done . I send them off with love , wrapped in the most beautiful bouquets of red and yellow roses , eucalyptus leaves and all the love I have to give them , today I feel amazing , clear mind , epic blood pressure , my heart is lighter and I trust myself more than ever in the choices I make and the love that surrounds me.
We came to this earth energetically , to have a HUMAN EXPERIENCE ....and I admit I love the energetic more than the human most days lol ... but alas ... Human Experience Rebekah , HUMAN
My cellular make up had a huge wash down last night and I wish I could explain what my veins feel like today.....this is the beginning of a big shift in consciousness and I can’t wait to feel it all
Re-programming the cellular make up of the human body in real time ... this is simply the beginning....